Stuck

Hate to be stuck in the middle.

My days of JPM are finally over, I was appointed as the SPR for the coming election. KA has given me and Muadz high hopes for this thing to be a successive occurrence. He didn’t appoint anyone else in the committee. Not even Anura. This is my last semester. This semester, I can feel the momentum of my extracurricular activities are becoming slower and slower. I became less committed, less proactive, needed to be pushed kind of person.

I was utterly becoming unnecessarily focused with the Kampung Raya Muhibbah thingy that I followed Mr Bassit to night market one afternoon, during the spr meeting that I had forgotten. Yesterday (20 oct) was the 2nd meeting. It was the preparation meeting to be exact. There, I was the loudest. Besides Belle. Most SPR committees were in semester 1. I sensed some dislikeness there for being too loud. I sort of like can read their minds ‘dah la x committed, x datang meeting etc. bising plaktu’ sort of things. We photocopied voting papers, posters and stapled the posters to plastic strings. Then I realized that it was time for my LWTR night class. Lucky Mr Omar ended the class early because Pian and few others wanted to pay him a Raya visit. I went back to my room. Muadz knocked. He asked me to go for the SPR briefing. He went first. I took my hoodie and ended up being late to the briefing. Again. Fellow semester 1 students made their furious looks. I think I know what r they thinking. I’m the loudest. KA told us that we will be getting our class release letter.

Next day, I started my day bathing. Found Muadz on the way. We got out from our room virtually at the same time. His room is just 2 doors away. When I got out from the bathroom cubicle, I saw Muadz already wearing his uniform walking to the stairs. Again, I was late for the morning briefing. Because of the semester 1 students, Muadz and I was kind of relaxed. I spent my whole morning reading lecture slides from my laptop for a scheduled joining and sealant exam at 2 pm. Syafa and Miza interrupted once a while and asked me for lunch. I explained that I got a day of free food. On a second thought, I accepted their request as the last time I went out with them for lunch was ages ago. During lunch at Atuk Wani’s place, they suggested to go for a movie that night. I instantly thought that it was a brilliant idea. I got no LWTR class on Tuesdays and the vote count process might finish at about noon. I so want to watch Eagle Eye. All my friends have seen it. I don’t want to be somebody from the ark.

Lucky Pak Erwin postponed the mid term exam to 3 pm. After the Pak Erwin’s self-proclaimed easy exam, I was called for a focus interview, an interview to measure the level of customer satisfaction. Vote count started at 5. I entered the center A room without giving any excuse. The count process lasted until 6.45 pm but Nasrul and few others asked for a recount then the votes and the papers didn’t tally by just two. I and many others excused themselves for the late Asar prayer.

I received an SMS from Syafa stating that Miza wasn’t going to the movie. So she asked whether I wanted to catch up to Pedro’s car which is departing immediately. During that time, I was negotiating with Miza. She was actually crying over something. I rejected Syafa’s request because I have many things to prepare. I need at least half an hour. Miza finally agreed to go out after I said that she had to cheer up.

I met Buck in the room after I had my quick bath. He lectured me of my fashion crime that I have committed. I was so fucked up for what he said. I went to Muadz’s room seeing he was ready to go back to the I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told Miza about the recounting shit process and I haven’t told Muadz about going to the movie promise. I SMSed Miza to pick me up at the admin block. I went to the conference room 1 right away. Only a handful people were there. And Miza was already SMSing me to get to her car. I went out from the room and got out of sight.

Miza and I exchanged many storied about ourselves and everything that had happened today and about why she cried earlier on our way to Alamanda. We bought two Eagle Eye tickets and went to Nicole to shop. Suddenly Muadz SMSed me and asked for the ballot box key that I was holding. I feel like shit! How am I supposed to answer?! Argh! I’m so depressed and I wasted a lot of time unfocusly picking and trying clothes. Miza already bought two. Shopping normally took me a split second but this time, I feel so fucked up that they notice that I’m missing. Fucked up big time.

After 15 minutes of silence, I replied

“Maafkan.. ak tiada d miat. Kecemasan.. Tapi ada kunci spare dalam locker ak dalam drawer biru aras yg ada binocular.kunci plg kecik 2 batang.”

We ate and watched movies with me worrying over thing that might happen to me. Phone calls and SMSes kept on bothering me. I know my return to MIAT after this will be a nuclear warfare. After we dine, we met Syafa, Haikal, Amanina and their group on our way to the movie. Syafa, Ama and Haikal were a little upset when we didn’t talk much with them. But we were kind of rushing because it was already 9.30. The movie finished at 11.30. It was hell good. Way better than Transformers.

We rushed to MIAT and entered the gate at 2 minutes to 12. Right before the gate is closed. I parked Miza’s car as directed at the back of the block. When I exit the car and thanked Miza, I checked my pocket and found out that I lost my room keys. Lucky I got a spare key in my room.

I quickly called Belle to ask her what happened during the counting. She said that when asked where was I, she just answered don’t know, but later attached by Raudhah’s statement. “Die g tgk eagle eye.” Aduyai! Kantoi bodoh. She also said that Abang Nasr complained that I was suppose to be in the room because I was on duty. I was so afraid. I was so afraid of everyone now, Syafa, Amanina, Abang Nasr, Abang KA. But the one I afraid the most is Muadz. I am really close to him. But past experiences thought me to exercise friendship with him with extra precaution. But most of the time, mishaps just really like to come when I was with him. Sigh. He is honest. Too honest and outspoken that ripped my heart into pieces several times. He’s speaking the truth. Hypocrite in me makes it hard to be accepted. I remembered one statement in my human factor book, ‘the thing you afraid the most is the thing that is most likely to happen’.

Everyone, I’m so sorry. I was a slut when it comes to arranging timetables. I wasn’t expected this to happen. And I know that is too inappropriate to give another excuse. It was all my fault. I know that I shouldn’t have done what I did. I feel ashamed, more ashamed when people know that I lied about it.